One morning my wife asked me what I was going to do today. I said “Nothing”. She said you did nothing yesterday. I said I wasn’t finished. She didn’t like that so I decided I’d better do something. The neighbor was painting his house so I thought what I would do was sit on the porch and watched his paint dry. I began to think. One of the things I thought about was what it is that attracts flies. My mind naturally drifted next to Washington and then to lawyers.

Washington DC is two places. One is where the natives live; the other is where the govment lives. Studies show that 87.9% of the guvment part is lawyers. The number is probably higher if you don’t count the career bureaucrats, but nobody has studied that. There is no reason to.

Being a Congressman must be a pretty good job judging by how many people want to be one and the lengths some of them go to just to get the job. Some of them even lie. I’m retired and not really doing anything so I thought I could do that just as well as a Congressman and get paid for it.

I drove down to Washington but couldn’t find the employment office. Back home, my neighbor explained the guvmint doesn’t hire Congressmen. He said I would have to get thousands of people to like me better than some other Congressman and to say that I should have his job. Then you drive down to Washington and tell the other feller to get out and you start sitting at his desk.

What about his boss, I asked? Congressmen don’t have a boss, he said. I was beginning to like the job. His paint was dry so I was free to do anything I wanted to. How do you get all those people to like you, I asked. It’s very expensive he said. It can cost over a million dollars. Wow! I said.

Then my neighbor showed me how to use the Internet. I found out a Congressman makes $174,000 a year and the job is only good for 6 years. After that you need to spend another million dollars to get all those people to like you again.

My wife helped me with the math and it turns out you need to spend $166,667 per year to hold a job that pays $174,000 per year. I know they get free postage stamps but I still couldn’t figure out what attracts a person to a job like that. My neighbor on the other side is a lawyer. He explained it to me. It turns out I was right about flies and Washington.

So I gave up politics. I can do nothing just as well at home, and stay honest while I’m doing it. Now that I’m not going to Washington my wife wants me to take up golf. It seems she read some article about “golf widows.”


The lawyer next door just called. He said some of those jobs are only good for 2 years. I said “Wow!”

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