The world blew up this morning at about 8 o’clock. There is nothing left. According to the New York Times, women, children and minorities suffered the most. Vladimir Putin vowed he would restore the Soviet Union, even though it is now scattered in fragments somewhere in space. Chavez says America did it, of course. Obama blamed it on Bush.
“The United States are gone, all 57 of them”, noted President Obama, then added “Well, at least it’s a complete transformation. My only wish is that Martha’s Vineyard could have been spared”. The insurance industry is in a panic as you might expect; they had exclusion clauses for losses due to war but not for this.
Al Gore termed it an environmental disaster. He said it never would have happened under his administration. He held his home state of Tennessee responsible. “My own friends, the people who knew me best let me down. If I had carried Tennessee the Supreme Court would not have been able to revoke my election.” The Sierra Club expressed concern that the fracturing of earth into a collection of asteroids presents a threat to already endangered species on the other planets. “If one of the big chunks, like Africa for instance, hits one of the smaller planets the impact will be devastating”, a representative explained.
Harold Camping called in long distance and said excitedly, “I called it! I was just a little bit off on the date”. Paul Krugman insists it could have been prevented if the government had only raised taxes and spent more money. But when asked how in the world (excuse the passé expression) that would help, all he returned was a silent grin. On the political front, the 99% are enraged. The group is protesting that their rights have been denied because they no longer have any place to demonstrate.
The good news is Palin channeled Ronald Reagan and reports that he smiled and said “Take heart. I have unshakeable faith in the resourcefulness of the American people. A great hill will be rebuilt and the United States will shine brightly from the top of it once again”.