Category Archives: Satire

LIFE ON MARS


Scientists say where there is scum there is life.
NASA has announced there is compelling evidence there was once political life on the planet Mars. All that remains are some pond scum. NASA also found gypsum which sounds to me like something the politicians must have done.
Life on earth
Obama has promised;
In the future “banks and financial concerns will pay for their own mistakes, taxpayers will not have to pay.” He did not say who will pay for government mistakes.
Life far, far away
Noted scientist Stephen Hawking promotes discrimination. He calls for us not to seek their friendship or even try to speak to aliens from outer space. This is no way to treat a minority group, and a super minority at that! However, I must admit, I would not want my daughter to marry one.

Bob B

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THE NEED FOR PROBLEMS

Politics 101. Politicians justify their existence and gain voter support by solving problems, the bigger the problem the better. Having a problem to be solved is an imperative. It establishes the need for government involvement and enables a political party to proclaim they are the one best suited to solve it. Problems must be carefully chosen, skillfully enlarged and loudly proclaimed. In extreme cases it may even be necessary to create the problem. Once identified, a problem must not be wasted.

There must always be a current problem. When one problem has outrun its usefulness another must be started. In choosing a problem for government to solve do not be deterred if it happens to be a problem that government created. Blame is easily transferred to the private sector with a little populist rhetoric. And of course, one should make maximum use of the word “crisis”. If an actual crisis is not available, the specter of one may be used.

Bob B

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BEWARE OF ARCTIC ICE

If you are planning a canoe trip up North this year, perhaps to the Bering Sea, you no longer need to fear the consequences of an inadvertent paddle across the line in the water that marks the Russian border. We are on the same side now. But the campsite you used last year may no longer be reachable by water.

According to this report, ice coverage is increasing in the Arctic. That raises concern for the polar bears who now have to waddle farther to get to the water where the seals are. Where is PETA when you need them?

Al Gore preached another warming sermon on April 8th but we don’t know if he addressed the polar bear issue because he disallowed press coverage except for the first 5 minutes. And he wouldn’t take questions from the floor, only by previously submitted cards so the inconvenient ones could be screened out.

Global temperatures have not risen past their peak established in 1998, twelve years ago. The solution to that problem was to change the mantra from “global warming” to “climate change”. Now we need to give more control to the government so they can combat climate change. Autumn colors are an extravagance the planet can no longer afford.

Poor Al, central to his case was the frightening hockey stick graph with the handle representing the world up until now, and the upward pointing end that whacks the puck representing the suffering we would endure when it hit us. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the concoction of some fraudulent scientists. Record cold temperatures were recorded across the nation last winter and it snowed in Bagdad.

So you can’t blame the former Vice President for being nervous. With warming cooling he is feeling the heat. His very raison d’etre is slipping away. His income is in jeopardy. He lost his job with the government. His old Buddy Bill of Clinton fame has accused him of citing the advent of Spring as proof of global warming. That must have hurt. But he won’t go homeless. I am sure some Senator will be glad to build an igloo for him.

THE BENEVOLENT INHOFE FAMILY

Tell your friends about Random Thots.

Bob B

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An envoy for Israel

A new mid-east envoy is being chosen to promote peace and agreement between Israel and the Palestinian people. The position calls for someone with international experience, and as a negotiator, to have the appearance of  neutrality. The claim to neutrality is paramount. Certainly he must not be seen as favoring Israel or of simply acting in America’s best interests. I suggest Jimmy Carter. I can think of no other who would be better equipped to carry out the Obama agenda.

RANDOM NONSENSE

The News
There is very little news in the news today, it’s mostly advocacy. I propose we drop the term “news” in favor of “advocacy”. After church on Sunday we can sit around the table and read the advocacy paper. During the week when our work is done we can relax in our favorite chair in front of the TV and watch the evening advocacy, as reported by our favorite advocaters.

The word “news” is obsolete. Down the memory hole with it!

The Law of gravitation
Many have gravitated from Left to Right including some prominent names like Milton Friedman and Ronald Reagan. Few go the other way. As we read, be it a book or a blog, we gain new knowledge with each word. This wisdom comes upon us as we read from left to right. When we drive, we stay to the right for veering to the left is known to be quite dangerous.

Then there is this: “If you are not a liberal when you are young, you have no heart. If you are not a conservative when you are old, you have no head”. I am not sure who said that. It may have been anonymous.

Could it be there is a law of gravitation yet undiscovered by science?

Pollution solution
Thomas Sowell, in a column entitled Artificial Stupidity wrote this,

A woman with a petition went among the crowds attending a state fair, asking people to sign her petition demanding the banning of dihydroxymonoxide. She said it was in our lakes and streams, and now it was in our sweat and urine and tears. She collected hundreds of signatures to ban dihydroxymonoxide.

Did you catch it? Di -two parts hydrogen, mono – one part oxygen. Dihydroxymonoxide is water. It was a hoax of course, but she got signatures. I would have asked for donations for  research into the replacement of dihydroxymonoxide with all natural and organic liquid essences of corn or grapes.

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CALLING ALL WARMERS

It has come to my attention that more people live in Africa than in Scandinavia. Warm seems to be good for people. Like Mikey, they like it. With tongue firmly in cheek I propose warmers, people of the anthropogenic global warming faith, could save more lives if they became platers instead.

Any fool can see more lives are being lost to earthquakes than to warmth. Surely the warmers can see that. What the world needs now is for good people to rise up against intercontinental plate shift. America as usual is the worst offender. With populations concentrated on both ends it puts a strain on the middle of our plate. George Bush only worsens the problem. He lives in the middle so no one wants to go there anymore.

C’mon college students! Start a movement for a shiftless America. You could call it Students Against Plate Shift.

Bob B

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